I spent the entirety of October trying to figure out my feelings. It would've been easy if what I felt for Rohan was some childish, teenage crush. But the intensity of it proves otherwise. I've had my fair share of crushes - both fictional and real - which should've made this easier to figure out. But none of them compare to what I'm feeling for Rohan.

All of my previous crushes and boyfriends were kind to me so I liked them. My celebrity crushes? Their characters were too good to be true. I was never the kind of girl to like someone just by the looks - I always needed a kind of emotional connection and friendship to like someone.

So why is it that I'm feeling this much for Rohan when I don't know anything about him except his name? There is no emotional connection, no friendship and I don't even know what kind of guy he is. But I feel like I'll like him irrespective of his character or attitude. And he isn't even THAT good looking for this feeling to be lust.(C'mon I stan Robert Pattinson and BTS my taste in looks is obviously otherworldly)

Rohan is.... average-looking for an Indian guy, tall, lean and obviously the opposite of my ideal type. I've always liked guys with a little bit of muscle, broad shoulders, thick thighs, 6'2+ and greek-god like body & looks so why the fuck am I attracted to a guy who is not even my type?

I could very well blame this on my hormones but the twist is I look at and think about Rohan all the goddamn time. It feels like no other guy exists whenever he is nearby. And when he is out of my vicinity, I have this uncontrollable urge to look for him, go near him and just... look at him. When the fuck did I become a puppy?

Being confused about Rohan and completing all the pending works were my only hobbies in October. Not to mention, I also had to pack my stuff since normal school was about to start next month and my house to too far from school for transport. I'd be staying with my aunt till this academic year ends until my parents figure out the 'lack of hostel' situation. The only reason I joined this school was because they promised they'd provide hostel facilities from next year. But since this was an emerging school, they took back their word ever-so-easily.

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November arrived like any other month - the only difference being 'compulsory offline school'. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited and I know I was excited for all the wrong reasons. I should be excited about the new school, new atmosphere, new friends, new teachers but all I thought about was Rohan Rajvansh. Just saying his name in my mind did weird stuff to me.

I came to live with my aunt and her family. My grandparents would also be here on-and-off. While I don't really mind the changes, I do know I'd be more comfortable living with my parents. Missing is a big word... I don't think I've ever missed anyone in my life before. I'd never known the feeling of longing, yearning or missing my entire life. But a voice in me said I'd feel all those and more with Rohan but I shut it up. If I really had a crush on Rohan, I'd do my best to get over it. I would not fall in love with him no matter what. Or so I thought.

The children's day celebration - which was supposed to happen in school was conducted online thanks to covid being covid and my class teacher told all 20 of us had to do something. I chose to sing - I'd sung on stage only once before and it ended up a big failure because I forgot the lyrics (You can imagine how much I drag myself into embarrassing situations). However I was smarter this time - since it was online I could have the lyrics right beside me.

Nevertheless, I was nervous. A small part of it was because I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of my new classmates and but the most of it was because I didn't know what Rohan would think of me. I chose a Korean song - Epiphany by Jin - to sing. One, because it was BTS and I love them. Two, because it was one among the very few decent, meaningful songs I knew. I had no idea if Rohan knew BTS but I just hoped he wasn't a hater of them - it'd be a huge turn-off. On a second thought, if he actually hated BTS then I could use it as a reason to not like him.

Okay I'm overthinking this. Take a break, brain.

I listened to Epiphany the whole night of November 13 to not fuck up the next day. We had classes in the morning and the celebration in afternoon. A few students performed their respective activities. When it was my turn, I shared my screen to show the English translation of Epiphany and sang along with the karaoke. Once I was done, the teachers complimented my voice which made me feel good because I'd never really sung in public before.

Rohan did a stand-up comedy which went pretty fun. He spoke in several funny voices which made me laugh and I awed at his confidence. I swear this guy's confidence was something I'd never learn. I also figured out that he was an extrovert - another difference between us. I doubt there's anything common at all.

The celebration went well. There was a friendly, funny fight between our Tamil and hindi teachers about their students' performance. Hindi students - being majority - did a lot of stuff while Tamil students didn't do much.

The next thing I knew, my Tamil teacher asked me to sing a Tamil song as whatever I sang wasn't counted in Tamil department because it was of a different language. It's been years since I listened to a Tamil song let alone sing.

He turned a deaf ear to my pleas so I had no choice but to sing. I sang the same song I sung in 6th grade - the one's lyrics I forgot on stage. I sang the verses I remembered and I know I sung it better than I did in 6th grade. It was confirmed when my teachers complimented me once again. My physics teacher said I sang it exactly like the original version and my voice was perfect for this song.

I hoped Rohan liked it too...

The celebration ended soon and I slept after that because I stayed up whole night. When I woke up and checked discord, most of my classmates said I sung really well. I was pouring out all my anxiety to them before singing and they were so encouraging. Now, they all were being so kind and told me I did really well.

Rohan being Rohan, said nothing. He never actually interacted much in the group. I was starting to think he was not much of a texter but I didn't want to come to any conclusions. I was not much of a talker anyway - but then I talked non-stop if I got comfortable.

I guess the talkative trait from childhood didn't really leave me.

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Offline school was about to start in a few days and I was so nervous. I developed a good amount of friendship with a few guys and I became best friends with Aisha, who happened to be a BTS fan. Thank God I wasn't alone.

Karan became a really close friend of mine and I opened up about my crush on Rohan to him. I never had any guy best friends or even guy friends till now. All the guys in my previous school were either scared of me or had a crush on me. The former being more than the latter. I didn't know how to handle my friendship with Karan but I figured I could use some male advice on this matter. Surely, men will know about other men better.

Karan was shocked when I said Rohan was my crush. I didn't tell him directly. I just spilled the beans when we were playing truth or dare with a bot in my personal server. It was just a stupid server I created to play with bots and explore them. He seemed to be the only one techie enough to try out bots with me.

Karan didn't say much about my crush on Rohan since he didn't know Rohan that well either. However, he offered to play wingman for me and Rohan which I politely declined. If Rohan ever liked me, it must be of his own free will. Making someone play wingman for us seemed too low for my character.

Love shouldn't be forced. It must always bloom on its own. We can only nurture it after it blooms. Any artificial interference before its blossom will end up making it toxic.

The last thing I wanted in my life is a forced love. It would end up in failure anyway. I wasn't obsessed with Rohan to go to lengths to make him love me. I just liked him without a reason.

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Word Count: 1500+

Edited by: Rachel123Z 

I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Mira moved away from her home for school because hostel were denied. Is this another play of fate or does it mean nothing?

Find out in next chapter ;)

Have a nice day/ night!

PS. Has anyone read the Made Series by Danielle Lori? I just finished the third book and I'm so in love with all 3 of them!!! I cannot even pick a favorite.

Of course, Rina Kent men still top my list <3