Days passed by like a summer breeze. New school, new people, new teachers and a heavier syllabus... but none of this seemed to matter compared to a potential crush lingering around. I might've been excited at first, but then fear started to creep into my newly found euphoria. Too many what-ifs that almost made me insane. 

Sure, I stayed without watching any k-dramas. I listened to classes sincerely and made proper notes. But I couldn't shake the hold he had on me. At first, I thought it was just a harmless attraction which will pass by. But what-if it grows and fucks me up? I need to put a stop to this before it becomes too big to handle. I cannot afford distractions when I'm just 4 years away from my dream. I don't want to disappoint my parents again. A part of me dies every time I see disappointment and betrayal in their eyes. I can't bear to see it again.

But when it comes to him I tend to act on instinct. Every time we have a class together - no matter how insignificant the class is - I search for him. As soon as I join the meeting, I check if he joined too. I don't even know why I do that, it just automatically happens. Instinct? Reflex? Involuntary action? I have no clue. I hate biology anyway.

So I came up with a stupid plan to cut the roots of my potential crush. My brain is currently pissed at me for thinking that but even it knows I need to do this. I need a distraction from this situation. I need to stop thinking about him 24/7. 

If I watch k-dramas all time then I won't need to think about him. Maybe I can only watch during lighter classes, during breaks, whenever my parents are not home. That way, I can redirect my focus. Of course I can try to focus on studies but the syllabus is too easy so I don't have to put much efforts to understand the concepts. I obviously need a stronger distraction, which would occupy my mind whenever I am not studying. 

I know this is risky but I managed to top my class even after watching c-dramas whole year. K-dramas won't affect my performance significantly and this crush might do - if it manifests. I would do anything to prevent myself from falling in love again. Anything. I have enough trauma when it comes to dating and relationships and I have no intention to add more to the list. The only relationships I should trust at this point is with fictional characters - the purest and safest. 

After hours of fidgeting and sulking, I put my plan into action. I looked up some random and famous k-dramas and started watching them. And it helped - the sweet, handsome men in k-dramas were helpful in taking my mind away from Rohan Rajvansh. But the involuntary shudder whenever I utter his name still persists and I ignore it. 

Overthinking it will only lead to worser consequences. 

===================

Months passed. 

I was now back into my k-drama addiction. Do I regret it? Nope. I thought less and less about him and more about the sweet love stories I watch every day. 

I had always been a sucker for love stories. If a couple is in love, it warms my heart to see them together. It makes me happy seeing them happy. Similarly, if a love has tragic ending it literally breaks my heart. After watching Moon Lovers I realized that I can never handle sad endings. I still went ahead and tried Hotel Del Luna and I cried worser than I cried for Moon Lovers. What's with IU and sad ending dramas? I hate crying. 

So I safely sticked to happy ending k-dramas alone. 

But the best part of it was having a k-drama bestie. Me and Varnika were besties ever since primary school. She was the only person who was there for me all the time and she still is. She is my first true best friend and I always hoped I never lose her. Due to me switching schools, we grew apart a bit but then we reconnected on Instagram. We catched up on everything we missed during the covid lockdown, recommended k-dramas to each other, shared reels and so on.

I also got to know that she was a BTS ARMY. I actually didn't know much about them that time. I was only listening to Taylor Swift and other English artists. Sometimes, I listened to the k-drama and c-drama OST. Other than that, I have no exposure to international music. I listened to Butter by BTS after she told me to and I liked it but didn't entirely vibe with it so I didn't really listen to them much.

However, being such a loyal fan of BTS she kept sending me their reels and letting me know more about them. At one point, after hearing how much they worked hard I began to respect them. I was like "I don't really listen to BTS but I respect them and their hard work."

Joke's on me. I got instantly pulled towards them after I watched a lyrical reel of Life Goes On by BTS. The lyrics was so meaningful and the music was so good I instantly fell in love. Then I tried some of their Korean songs and figured how meaningful their lyrics actually are. The best part was - the lyrics connected with me, they healed me in whatever way they could. And I knew at that moment I was going to be pulled into the purple ocean for life and I'd never regret it. Not even once. 

Life was pretty good then. BTS, k-dramas, studies and Instagram. There was also this class group in discord where all my new classmates were having fun. Initially, I thought they were all nerds since this was a "career-oriented school". However I realized how fun they all were after joining the group.

Being the introvert I am, I was hesitant to speak at first. All I knew was BTS, k-drama and Taylor Swift and I didn't think they would ever like any of those. Not to mention there were only 2 girls in the whole grade. 

2 girls and 18 boys.

But then I quit acting like a chicken and tried being social with the guys which turned out to be a good thing because they were all fun, chill and funny. Definitely not like the guys in my old school. Thank god. 

I explored discord, played with the bots and even joined some public BTS servers. 

You might think I forgot about Rohan but that seemed impossible. No matter what I did, he lingered on the back of my mind - waiting to take over at the slightest crack in my glass armor. 

I held them strongly around my heart. I was not going to fall in love with Rohan. I would not let myself break apart for another man ever again. 

While keeping Rohan away from my heart was a tedious job, I was still leading a peaceful teenage life - until everything came crashing down on me.

My parents found out about me watching k-dramas all time. 

I wasn't listening to class, wasn't completing my assignments and home work.

Cheating in exams since they were online. 

Okay, they didn't exactly find out all this by themselves. They found out my k-drama thing and told me to tell what other stuff I am doing. They told me if they had found out by themselves the consequences would have been worser. 

That was all I needed to spill the beans. 

I was caught red-handed anyway so might as well confess everything and come clean. The look of disappointment killed me once again but it was the look of betrayal that made me confess everything. 

I might be heartless or emotionless but I never liked lying. And I loathed any form of betrayal. So I came clean only to find out ---

The next day I was in school. In the flesh. Outside the principal's room. 

Apparently I have to confess everything to the principal as well. 

FUCK. ME.

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Word count: 1360

Edited by: Rachel123Z (I'm sorry for my inconsistent tenses)

From denial to k-pop fandom to getting caught this chapter was a roller coaster for both Mira and me. 

That reminds me- any BTS ARMY here?? 

I still remember the day I declared myself a BTS ARMY. August 16, 2021. All thanks to my bestie. 

Tag your Varnika who pulled you into the purple ocean. 

Please vote this chapter and comment your opinion. 

Let's see how this 'getting caught' affect Mira's denial in next chapter.

Until then, have a great time.

Thank you for all the support!